Part 1: How we got to where we went

I can vividly recall the moment. 2000,I was at work walking down a hall way and felt out of sorts.Dizzy, heart pounding. I thought I'd never get back to my cubicle. From what a co worker had described, It seemed pretty close to a heart attack. As the described in Mad Men, "I feel like a Sherman Tank parked on my chest." It wasn't that bad ,but I wondered it was soon to get that way.



I made a doctors appointment, tests were run and the verdict was a haital hernia. Ok, now what I wondered. Quick glances at the internet told me , It was not uncommon for women who just had babies to get haital hernias. That made sense. The hernia part certainly made sense to me, days earlier I had been involved in a massive moving project, a lot of heavy lifting, I did what I could and maybe over did it.



Flash foward to January 2008. In the meantime I had a couple of ear surgery, dental work, nothing major.As 40 approached in 2005, I was well aware I was not as young as I once was. In January of 2008, on a Sunday late morning, I felt dizzy,couldn't eat, and some discomfort. The main thing was numbness that wouldn't go away. I was thinking and wondering stroke. I called the On Call Nurse at Cotton -Oneil ,who sugggested as a precaution to go to the ER.After XRays and a CAT scan,It was diagnosed as a possible TIA, a Near Stroke.



I saw my physician the next day who arranged for stress tests, MRI and suggested "Sometimes they say TIA as a warning". Any test I took came up negative. For the MRI, I finally had to be put to sleep, 3rd time was a charm. In talking to co workers It seemed likely it was not a TIA,It could have been anything from a bug,virius, over eating from the holidays , who knows what it was.Migrane was not out of the question either



Everything was ok through September of 2008 when similar symptoms occured, this time at my mothers urging and a rapid heart beat. My heart was beating out of my chest, I went by ambulance to the ER. Blood pressure was through the roof.I don't recall the numbers but it was pretty damn high, possibly dangerous. It went down once I was in the ER.



Frankly the scariest moment at the ER was when a doctor came in and asked something like "how long have you had diabetes ?" Obviously the wrong door. I could make some comments about the medicial mess, but won't. I went home , felt fairly miserable due in large part to job stress. In October I switched units and everything seemed to have disappeared , I felt better, except on weekend. The new job was somewhat active which was good. I never felt good enough but for one or two weekends to do anything,but it was nothing long term.

It was also about this time,between the first and second ER visits I began to chance eating habits,never quite reaching the need to exercise. Fall and Winter came and went, I was aware of what food would cause acid reflux and usually avoided it, learned to eat slower, not as much and everything was fine.

I remember one of the good weekends driving out in the country to the Oregon Trail walking center and thinking I'd walk up a hill, It about killed me, I had to sit on the side of the hill for a while before returning to the car.

One weekend in March, I ordered a Pizza, ate about a peice and a half and went to bed very early. The next day I planned on seeing "Watchmen" but never got there, going to the 1 showing didn't happen, the 4 showing , then plans on Sunday feel apart. I just stayed home, out of it, no energy whatever so ever.

On Monday I called in sick , and on Tuesday , about 10 O'Clock went back to the emergency room, panic attacks,accelerated heart beat, numbness. They X-Ray'd me and I was told me organs were not were they were suppose to be, and appointment was made with a surgeon for Friday. I didn't return to work and slowly grasped the concept I would be operated on, out of work for a while and very little idea of what was to come.

Friday- the appointment was at Noon or so, the wait seemed to be very long, the first thing the surgeon said was "Have you seen the X-Ray , your in bad shape". He then drew a picture of what was happening , a lot of internal organs were pushing into my right lung. I believe he would have opened me up there if he could. I know they tried to get an OR for Monday, but it ended up on Tuesday, St Patrick's day. The weekend was a blur to me. I realized I needed prayers and told everyone I could. I was also horribly depressed and was begging people on facebook ,the SFF and everyone I else I knew to pray,send cards and do whatever. I have friends who are Wiccan, I asked for candles, I have friends who follow Native American Faith who did things asking for the Great Spirit ,or whomever to show me divide guidance.Christians prayed.

I slept a lot that weekend,I don't really remember much. Monday came and went and Tuesday arrived and my mother picked me and went to the hospital with me.